Some ill-spent hours in Black October

How to be a good Baron

Chapter Nine: Sample Correspondence

Dear Messalina,
I've received your request that I mount an appeal to the Crown about the people whose status was withheld.

However, because your email contained a number of words starting with the letter A, and because I have difficulty reading such words, I won't be acting on it, sorry.
It's not your fault, I'm just too busy to work through such emails, no matter how valid they might be. It's not as if I haven't mentioned my problem with the letter A before. And I'm sure other people have told you.

Better luck next time.


Dear Elvira,
Unfortunately, your email contained some overly emotional content. Therefore, even though it wasn't aimed at me, I will not be responding.


Dear Wallace,
Sorry to hear the Herald is indifferent to your draft rewrite of submission rules.

I'll tell you what. Wait until a new Herald is appointed who is willing to listen, and then I'll give you my unreserved moral support.

That's what I'm here for, after all.


Dear Roden,
I don't really understand why you don't agree with my position. But that's ok -- since you're not a Baronial officer, I don't have to listen to you.

By the way, several of the words in your email were mis-spelled. Don't you know it bothers me to get emails like that, because they take longer to figure out? Please, be a good chap and respect my sensitivities and rather limited time.


Dear Nathaniel,
Your email came as HTML text, with no plaintext. To read it, I'd have to change two settings on my mail reader.

Therefore I didn't read it.


Dear Ceila,
Although you're clearly very bothered by your problem, I'm just too busy with other matters to respond this week. So is everyone else who could help. Maybe next week.

I think it's a little unfair that you haven't realised this and backed off already. So please stop emailing me about it. Can't you see I've got more important things to do?


Dear Ivan,
Please don't ask me that again. I report only to Their Majesties.


Dear Ceila,
Look, don't you realise that writing to Master Gerrard about this is just going to annoy him? He hates getting long emails, and it's not as if he has much time in any case.

He holds down an important job, and lots of people write to him in his SCA role, so I don't see why you think he should pay any attention to you. You're not one of his deputies, and he has many more important things to do.

I find it surprising that you should bother to write when you already knew that. Even more annoying that he's gotten me involved too. *I* didn't ask to be involved and, as you know full well, I'm incredibly busy right now.

No, don't ask me to comment on the justice or otherwise of your case. As already noted, I don't have time at the moment.


Dear Yoran,
I got your phone message. Unfortunately, I have trouble with phone calls. Please write or email instead.


Dear Barnabas,
So what if it is in Corpora? We have processes here, and we follow them. If you want to jump on a bandwagon, go ahead.


Dear Jane,
If you want me to consider your request for a Baronial presence at your event, ask the Court Vizier. I stated clearly back in March that all requests must go through her.

Frankly, I'm surprised you thought it appropriate to write to me, and hope you will see that, by doing so, you are undermining the Vizier's position.

In the SCA, there is a "chain of command". Our Court has always had a Vizier and, under the chain of command, she's the one to talk to, even though she cannot make a decision about which events to attend.

So, even though the event form says "I have received confirmation from the B&B that a Court will be held at this event", please try not to break the chain of command again, ok?


Hello again Jane,
Your email was overlong. And just because you are logical, reasonable and cite documentation and precedent to support your position, that doesn't make you right.

I AM the Baron, after all.